Cloud 8½

“Kids say the darnedest things,” is a phrase I could relate to until my own kid started talking (and, I should note, has not stopped since). It was then that I could fully grasp exactly how funny they are – how honest, how observant, and how silly they can be sometimes. For the past year or more I’ve been capturing some of her funnier moments to share on Facebook, then every few months saving them in a document to give to her later.

Here are some gems from my girl:

1. Mia, to candy corn placed inside a container with a lid to prevent it from spilling: “don’t worry candy corn, you’ll be safe in here.”

2. Diego, on TV: “Can you say sloth?”
Mia: “Sloth”
Diego: “Say sloth!”
Mia: “I already did, Diego!”

3. This morning Mia was bringing her stuffed animals to me so that I could tell her who gave them to her. She brought me a small stuffed lamb and I was stumped, trying to recall who had given her that one when she interjected “do you think maybe it was Mary?”. I was confused and then it dawned on me: Mary had a little lamb.

4. Ed: “MiaMia it’s time to get up”
Mia: “I can’t get up, Daddy. My eyes are closed.”

5. “I want to go to sleep in my bed by myself cause it’s night time and not playtime and it’s naptime. I don’t want any big people in my bed and that’s not funny!” – Mia in response to her father telling her that he’s sleeping in her bed and she has to sleep with the cats.

6. “Raven, your choices are to stay in my room or get out. I’m sorry but those are your choices or else I’m going to spank your butt and you’re going to scratch me. If you wag your tail at me again, you’re going in time out. Raven! *clap clap* Get out of my closet or you’re punished!” – Mia, yelling at our cat – and calling it by the wrong name, I might add.

7. Mia: “Mommy, I’m going to give you a condiment.”
Me: *looks around for ketchup and mustard* “A condiment?”
Mia: “Yeah, like when you say ‘I love you’ to someone!” *in a ‘my mother is a moron tone’ that I didn’t expect to hear for another few years*
Me: “Do you mean a COMPLIMENT?”
Mia: “That’s what I said. Condiment.”
Me: *facepalm*

8. Mia’s newest statement of frustration: “*huge sigh* This is irkin’ me up.”

9. Mia: “I’ve never been married, Mommy.”
Me: “That’s because you’re a little girl, baby. You don’t get married until you’re an adult.”
Mia: “But I’m almost 4! I’m almost growed.”
Me: “Grown. People don’t get married until they’re 25.”
Mia: “Inches.”
Me: “No, years. 25 years old.”
Mia: “Oh.”

10. Also, Mia’s announcements as she came in the door: “I didn’t talk back, I didn’t grunt or growl, I took a nap and I DIDN’T LICK ANYONE!!” Well thank God for that.